Back to the Start
by Arye.Tyler
Summary: Humanstuck. Character death (several). Somewhere between high school and the rest of their lives, something always seemed to just go wrong.


**I thought it would be nice to give you guys a little look into Sollux's parents in between chapters of Bumblebee Girl, so here it is. How Syrus met Yui. I'll warn you that there's Sadstuck and character death involved in this story. I think I might feel like the ending's a little rushed...? Just a little...? I'm not sure. I like it.**

* * *

Syrus Captor _did not_ come to college to make friends. He was quiet and lanky and awkward with a god-awful lisp, and there was no way in hell that girls would notice him. Guys did, to kick his ass, usually.

Syrus Captor came to college to get a degree and get the fuck out of Michigan. He liked the sounds of New York City.

Yui Kobayashi totally fucked up his plans.

She was a Theatre Arts/Software Engineering double-major (ho-lee shit, what a combination) with a minor in Business Management and a penchant for mischief. On the first day of his English class in their Junior year of college, she drifted into the room almost last, plunked down in the seat next to him and just. started. talking.

He wanted to say that he was charming and friendly. The reality was that Syrus was a socially-anxious nerd, and he called her some names that did not deserve to be repeated. Yui just smiled wryly at him.

"Wow. You're a complete and total asshole. I think we can be friends."

That was it. She didn't give him a choice; she just started hanging around him and his group. He would like to say that he warmed up to her quickly and that they became fast friends. He was, as she had pointed out, an asshole, though. He was always hostile and unreceptive, and it seemed to make her try harder.

Oh, he wished he'd told her sooner. In his heart, he adored her. He'd only ever felt so strongly, in the past, for a wild-haired beauty that he saw hanging off of the arm of a dear friend of his every day. The very one that stretched out across his bed and peered at him upside-down suspiciously while he ranted about Yui.

Syrus' too-fucking-perceptive, infuriating, lovely, heart-breakingly _wonderful_ best friend, Airria McKay.

"You're real fuckin' transparent, brother," she told him one day, interrupting his rambling about Yui's new boyfriend. "If the sister being with him makes you so jealous, why don'cha just _tell her_?"

He paused mid-rant to stare at her incredulously. Hazel and blue met green and grey (their mutual heterochromia being the foundation of their life-long friendship), and he realized that she was serious. Those purple-painted lips made no move to quirk into a smile and let him know that she was joking.

"Are you kidding me, Air? Pleathe tell me you're kidding," he spluttered. "I don't get jealouth over _her_."

"Liiiiaaaarrrr," she sang. "You're not even good it, man."

She smiled finally, and he was briefly distracted by the way those eyes of hers crinkled up at the corners. Fuck Grant Makara for being a bad friend and asking her out. Fuck Syrus himself for never working up the balls to before his friend asked for the green-light, which he had been stupid enough to give.

"Anyway, I dunno what your problem is with the sister," Airria continued. "She's chill. I like her."

It made him pause. What was his problem with Yui...?

She was frustrating.

She was persistent.

She was stubborn.

She was beautiful.

She had the most amazing singing voice he'd ever pretended to not hear.

Underneath the bravado, he could sense that she was lonely and hurting.

She wore suspiciously long sleeves, even though it was an unseasonably warm October.

_She wouldn't just shut up and let anyone help her._

He wasn't going to tell Airria any of that, though. Mostly because she'd probably figured about half of it out with her freaky clown-voodoo-mind-reading-bullshit. For as along as he'd known her, he had never been able to pull a fast one on her, and he wasn't sure if it was because she actually _had_ clown-voodoo powers or because he was as transparent as she said he was.

He was really hoping that it wasn't the clown-voodoo.

"She'th fucking annoying," he huffed instead. "And she hath terrible tathte in movieth."

Airria stared at him like he'd just kicked a puppy, shortly after boiling about two-hundred kittens alive in hot oil. Was it really that hard to believe...?

"Brother, you two watch the same movies," she pointed out. "Same sci-fi bullshit. Which sucks, by the way."

"It abtholutely doeth not! You don't know what you're talking about," he retorted defensively.

"Keep lying to yourself, bro, just keep lying."

He mumbled something about clown-voodoo and skeleton-loving Mellow Yellow-stoners as he threw the pillow that had previously been under his head at her. In the ensuing pillow fight, he almost forgot about Yui.

Maybe that had been Airria's goal the whole time.

As she left that night to return to the off-campus apartment she shared with Grant, she broached the subject again, cautiously.

"Look, all I'm saying for now is that the sis likes you," she informed him quietly. "And, yes, bro, you're being an asshole to her. Could you at least _try_ to be a decent human being to her? For me?"

Ugh, she said the magic words. He'd waltz into Moscow and kick Gorbachev right in the balls for her. Of course he agreed, even if forcing himself to smile at Yui when she drifted into their shared class the next day was almost physically painful.

"Morning, Sy," she mumbled.

She slumped down in her seat and blinked a few times, stifling a yawn as she pulled out her homework and notes. It was pretty normal for a college kid, probably, but he'd never known Yui to not get enough rest for class. Totally out of character.

"Yui," he started.

"Sy, I usually don't mind being your metaphorical punching bag, really," she cut him off. "But, today, I'm tired and not in the mood for bullshit."

Oh, shit, was he actually concerned for her? He was pretty sure that he was, but she refused to speak to him that day. Actually, she didn't talk to much of anyone that day. After class, she mumbled something about having a project to work on and vanished.

For some reason, it made him feel really horrible.

He met up with their usual group of friends that afternoon and looked for Yui instinctively, but, no, she wasn't there. Everyone else was. Airria and Grant were comparing notes while they tried to do math homework; Sumner Nitram (who they tended to call Summi) was teasing Larkeley Andrews in an effort to make her blush, again, probably for the thousandth time that day; Delilah Leijon, Rosa Maryam and Siobhan McKenna (usually affectionatly called Shiv) were working on some fashion-design project, and Carmine Vantas was eyeing Shiv with a little smile on his face. Okay, it wasn't everyone. Obviously, Yui was absent, as was Drake Zahhak, who was either working on some freaky robotics thing or had finally gotten Liri Vargas to go on a date with him. Marta Serket was...he didn't even want to think about it. He couldn't be an accomplice to her antics if he had no fucking idea where she was. He wasn't too upset about the absence of Hannah Megido or Farrah Peixes, especially not Farrah. She was psycho. Orion Ampora was most certainly at work because he never got laid, and Red Pyrope's class always ran late.

Syrus sat next to Carmine and tried to act like he understood Rosa, Shiv and Delilah's babbling.

"Where's Yui?" Carmine asked. "Is she feeling alright?"

"I dunno, man. She'th piththy today."

"Who's pissy?"

The newly-arrived Red plopped down on Carmine's other side and laid back on the grass, arms crossed behind her head. She was Yui's roommate (because fuck the alphabet), so maybe she'd know something.

"Yui. She wath all out of it in clath and then she jutht fucking thtormed off afterwardth like I thaid thomething about her mother."

"Oh. Yeah, she was pretty upset last night, too. Wouldn't talk about it, though. She gets like this sometimes."

Red shrugged in that half-flippant way of hers that she used to cover up concern and directed their attention to a new topic: Star Wars. As a group, they all loved the movies, even if Grant thought that Luke was a whiny little bitch, and Red wanted Han Solo to be a real person that she could throw in a real jail. Eventually, like always, they got into their Luke-versus-Han argument. Grant, Airria, Delilah and Sumner all hated Luke for various reasons. Syrus, Red, Larke, and Marta (who arrived mid-argument cackling like a mad scientist) all thought that Han Solo was overrated. Carmine, Shiv and Rosa never took a side.

Grant and Red had launched into their usual argument about Han Solo being a glamorized criminal when Orion showed up. Syrus picked that moment to bow out and work on homework.

"Water we arguing about?" Orion demanded as he flopped down in Syrus' abandoned spot.

"No more goddamn fish puns!" Marta groaned.

Red, ignoring Marta, explained that they were having the usual Star Wars debate. Orion grinned toothily and jumped in on the anti-Han side.

"Be good kidth," Syrus snickered as he gathered his things. "I'm off to do homework, tho I can't babythit you."

"He's stealing your job, Rosa," Delilah laughed.

"He can have it," Rosa retorted.

He laughed and waved over his shoulder to the group as he headed towards the library, glancing over his shoulder on instinct and noticing the distinct lack of Yui. It was like a big, gaping hole. He'd never thought he'd miss the obnoxious woman so much.

He didn't go Yui-less for long; he found her asleep at a table tucked away in the back of the library, books and papers scattered across the surface in front of her. The sleeves of her, typically, oversized shirt had ridden up to the elbows, and there was a pair of thick-framed black glasses clutched loosely in one of her little hands.

He'd never seen her arms before, and it suddenly made sense. Cuts. All over her arms. Some were old and already scarred over; some looked pretty new. A heart had been carved into her wrist. Oddly, his first reaction was to be furious. How dare _anyone_ make her hurt that much? It was terrifying. He'd felt many things towards Yui. Annoyance. Loathing. Even confusion, but _furious for her_ and _protective of her_ were new.

Just...

At that moment, when she was asleep and vulnerable and _so damn small, when did she get so tiny_, he couldn't summon his usual vitriolic attitude towards her. He just sat down and started gathering her things up so that he could take her back to his dorm, since it was closer and Red was guaranteed to not be back yet.

He had come to a few conclusions.

First, Yui Kobayashi was not as okay as she seemed, no matter what she said.

Second, that he wanted to help her get around to actually being okay.

Finally, that he was falling in love with an infuriating little Japanese woman from Los Angeles.

"Yui," he mumbled. "Wake up."

He shook her into a state of semi-awakeness gently. She stared up at him through bleary brown eyes. Wait, brown? She had green eyes. Must've been contacts. He liked the brown better.

"Wha...? Sy?" she mumbled.

"C'mon," he grumbled. "You can't thleep here."

Ultimately, he wound up giving her a piggy-back ride to the dorm; she was only awake enough to hold on, arms loosely wrapped around his shoulders. He chose to pretend that he didn't like having her shaggy little head resting on his shoulder.

Getting into his room was something of an adventure, since he had to balance Yui and their shared school things, but he managed. He let her cuddle down amid his small fortress of pillows and blankets while he hunted for something that she could change into. For whatever reason, probably because she'd been dumb enough to walk to the library in the downpour that had happened earlier, her clothing was wet.

"Sy...?"

He turned from rummaging through his drawers with one of his shirts in hand to find her yawning and rubbing her eyes as she sat up and looked around.

"How'd I get here?"

"I carried you, becauthe you fell athleep in the library. Great plathe to take a nap, Yui," he scoffed.

She hummed noncommittally as he handed her the shirt and a pair of shorts that Airria had left there when she stopped by months ago. She eyed him suspiciously then vanished under the covers. When she reemerged, she'd changed into his clothes. Her glasses were perched on her face again, a little crooked.

Oh, God. He _did not_ think that she looked cute.

"Thanks," she mumbled, tugging at the long sleeves that fell over her hands.

Honestly, the entire outfit was ludicrously adorable, not that he'd admit that. His shirt was huge on her, practically a dress. It came to nearly her knees. The shorts had been unnecessary, even if they made her feel better.

She continued to stubbornly steal his blankets as he pulled up a chair and straddled it backwards, arms crossed on the back of the chair, staring at her.

"What, Sy?"

"You hurt yourthelf. Why?"

Her face turned bright red, and she looked down at her hands, but he was having none of that. He reached across to tip her face back up so that he was looking her in the eye.

"Yui, don't avoid the quethtion."

"Just...drop it, Sy. You do an awfully bad job of hating me," she added.

"I don't hate you."

She stared at him incredulously, rolling her eyes skyward after a moment. Then she told him that he was a bad liar and squirmed out from under the covers to leave.

"Hey! Wait!"

He caught her by her waist and pulled her into his lap, arms snaking around her waist. She squirmed and tried to get away, but he still wasn't having it.

"I _don't _hate you," he insisted softly. "I'm an awkward athhole, but I don't hate you."

"...you, Syrus Captor, are the king of sending mixed signals."

"I know. Thorry. Let'th try thith again. I'm Thyruth. I have a lithp. My parentth are thadithtic bathtardth that thpelled my name with two etheth."

For the first time, he got a laugh out of her. He felt immensely accomplished. It might have been quiet and half-hearted, but it was better than nothing.

When she wriggled out of his arms to burrow under the covers again, shivering, he knew that she had no intention of leaving.

"Theriouthly, Yuii, _why_?" he asked again.

She stared at him for a long while quietly, those brown eyes narrowed a little and her lips pursed. He _should not_ have wanted to kiss her as much as he did. They were having a serious moment, and he had only just convinced her that he didn't hate her. What would she think if he took things that fast? Why the fuck did he care what she thought?

"Nobody will ever hate me as much as I hate myself," she finally mumbled, eyes flicking down to her hands.

"What?"

She repeated what she'd said, a little louder, and he just stared at her wide-eyed. He hadn't even considered that she didn't like herself; she was always so obnoxious and arrogant that it didn't even seem like a possibility. What hit him after disbelief was fury. How dare she think so low of herself? How dare anyone else _make_ her?

He actually _did_ kiss her that time. Once. Twice. Three times. He pulled back to find himself staring into wide brown eyes.

"You're amazing. I don't know where the fuck you get off thinking otherwithe, and I don't want to. Thtop hurting yourthelf. Oh, and be my girlfriend. That'd be nithe, too."

Yui rolled her eyes and leaned forward, pausing on the verge of kissing him.

"Shut up and kiss me again, Sy."

Carmine smiled at him knowingly the next morning when they met up for breakfast. Carmine's girlfriend, Shiv, was too focused on gossiping with Yui, as usual. Syrus stuck his tongue out at his best friend childishly.

"All I'll say is that it took you long enough," Carmine snickered.

Syrus scoffed softly and pulled his new girlfriend against his side with a little smile on his face. She looked up at him, eyes wide with confusion, and he wondered why it had taken him so damned long to get to this.

As he leaned down to kiss her forehead, he resolved to make everything worth it for her.

Ultimately, he succeeded. After college, she married him. They moved to the same suburb as much of their group of friends, including Carmine and Shiv and Grant and Airria, and bought a home. They had a son that they named Mituna, and he never once regretted being with her.

The cuts on her arms healed over and scarred, and then those scars faded. She stopped wearing the contacts that made her eyes green and started liking herself more.

Mituna was still a toddler when they learned that she was pregnant again.

"It's risky, Mrs. Captor," the doctor cautioned her. "For you _and_ the baby. I know how you feel about abortion, but it's what I'm suggesting."

"Absolutely _not_," she replied firmly. "No. No. _No_."

"We'll think about it," Syrus cut in.

She was shaking as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and directed her out of the room. He helped her into the car and buckled her in. Yui didn't say anything until they were halfway home.

"I won't do it, Sy."

"You heard what the doctor thaid, Yui."

"I don't care!" she exploded. "I won't do it! I couldn't!"

She wrapped her arms around her midsection and stared out the window stubbornly. He sighed and waited for the next red light to reach over and turn her head to face him gently. She glared at him tearfully.

"I won't make you do anything, Yu. What do you think of Thollukth ath a name?"

"Could be a girl," she huffed, clearly relieved that he hadn't chosen to argue.

"No, I have a feeling it'th a boy."

Nine months later, he turned out to be right. The doctors handed Sollux to him in a soft blue blanket and ushered him out of the room. Yui was fading fast, they said; it didn't look good. None of it clicked.

She couldn't be dying. _She couldn't_.

He looked down at Sollux, who was now staring up at him. He was a quieter baby than Mituna, with Syrus' eyes and Yui's face.

"She'll be okay, buddy," he whispered to the baby. "You look like her. That'th a good thing. Your mama'th the prettietht lady I've ever seen. She'th tho ekthited to meet you, Thol."

"Mister Captor?"

He looked up to wave over a very contrite-looking doctor. The doctor in question shifted anxiously and shuffled with his papers, avoiding Syrus' eyes.

"I'm...I'm very sorry. There's no easy way to say this..."

No. There was no easy way to tell him that his world was falling apart at the seams. He returned to a house full of photos of a woman that he'd never hold again to raise two children that would never remember what it was like to have their mother around.

He didn't cry right away. Not when the doctor told him that she didn't make it. Not when Carmine and Shiv came over to help with his sons. Not even when he buried her. It was when he got home and looked at Sollux and saw how much the youngest of his two boys looked like his mother that he broke down.

When he felt better, he put away all of the photos except for the ones in his room, and the one that Mituna kicked and screamed and refused to give up. It made his heart ache too much to look at her. Eventually, Shiv died, too, and Carmine moved away with Kankri and little Karkat. Syrus' own sons grew up. Mituna was never fully functional on his own, but he did alright.

Sollux became a teacher.

"That'th what Mom did," he explained, glancing over the at the picture on the mantle. Eventually, Syrus had moved a few of the pictures out of storage into the house-proper at Sollux's request. "Hey, Dad...what happened to her?"

"She died," Syrus mumbled, following his son's eyes to the photo.

"Yeah, _I know that_. How?"

"Jutht drop it, Thol. You're better off not knowing."

"She wouldn't want you to thpend the retht of your life thulking around here, you know," Sollux told him as he stood to leave. "Remember, my gradution'th tomorrow morning. I'd like it if you came, Dad."

He _did_ go to Sollux's graduation, and the party afterwards. Marta Serket and her husband were there, along with Drake and Liri Zahhak and Delilah Leijon. So odd, that their kids had all gone to college together.

Delilah had, it turned out, kept in touch with Airria over the years. She said that the Makaras had gotten a divorce recently and that Airria had been asking about Syrus before giving him Airria's new number. He wound up sitting on his bed that night, staring at the photo of Yui on his dresser.

"What should I do, Yui?" he asked her softly.

She just smiled back at him like she always did, but he'd already known what she would have wanted. He punched in Airria's new number as a contact and sent her a text.

**To: Airria**

**Message:**

_Aiir...? Iit's 2yru2 Captor._

**From: Airria**

**Message:**

_CaP? It'S BeEn fOrEvEr! wE NeEd tO CaTcH Up, bRo. :O)_

**To: Airria**

**Message:**

_Yeah! Defiiniitely...when are you free?_

**From: Airria**

**Message:**

_UuUmMmM...HoW's nExT WeEk, bRo? :O?_

He considered it for a long time, so long that she texted him some long clowny ramble about it being "tOtAlLy oKaY" for him to not consider it a date, since it didn't have to be a date, and she wasn't thinking when she asked that, and etcetera. He swore, for a moment, that he heard Yui whispering in his ear that it was okay to let go, and he smelled the perfume that she'd always worn. When he closed his eyes, he felt her arms around his neck and her little nose nuzzling into his hair from behind.

Maybe he was crazy, but he thought that he heard her murmur "I love you" one last time.

Then he opened his eyes, and the sensation of Yui being there with him was gone.

He texted Airria back.

**To: Airria**

**Message:**

_2orry iit took 2o long to txt you back. Ii'm free on Tue2day._


End file.
